cc Mr. & Mrs. Attias

March 7, 2001

Dear Editor,

Please give this to Frank Gruber & Jorge Casuso. I want to commend them on their articles about the Attias parents.

I do not know them at all, but I can sympathize with them, as I have my own troubled child -- soon to be adult. I posted this in the Daily Nexus. I was prompted to do so after reading the articles that Frank & Jorge wrote:

"There is NOTHING more humbling to the core of your heart & soul than raising a troubled child, when you started out believing & expecting *100%* that if you loved him enough, taught him enough, disciplined him enough, prayed for him enough, everything would sink in and he would be an extra wonderful person -- or AT LEAST a whole person who is just like everybody else.

"But it isn't quite working.

"So you add to your list: 'If we find out what's wrong, if we get counseling, if we get enough professional help, if it's the best help, if we find out everything about everything he needs, if we compensate enough, he will turn out alright.'

"But he is not all right all the time, only sometimes... and it seems like there is no room for you to make mistakes, so you have to get it right. All the time.

"Things that other parents take for granted and take credit for are like climbing Mt. Everest for you. Well, 'Maybe we don't have to make it clear to the TOP to be successful. MAYBE WE CAN JUST MAKE IT TO A SAFE RESTING PLACE.'

"Humility.

"It comes by one steady blow after another upon each piece of your heart.

"Day after day, month after month, year after year, tear after tear. and yet sprinkled in between everything are hugs and kisses, bedtimes, teddy bears, laughter, and achievements.
Just like everybody else.

"Love hopes all things.....

"At some point the child, who becomes an adult, has to accept and embrace all the tools that he requires to function at HIS best.

"There are just some things that a parent cannot do. In fact, no one can control someone else's choices.

"Even God doesn't do that.

"He might be the only One Who really knows how you feel.

"He's always getting blamed for everything too.
and HE doesn't even make mistakes.
and it's His own children who kill, and who die.

Imagine that."

If either of these writers are able to communicate with Mr & Mrs Attias, I would appreciate it if they could let them know that there are people out here who understand what parenting a child with problems is like.

I'm sure they need someone to talk to, and that they are also afraid of anything like that at this time. Tell them that they are not alone. I hope they do already know people who can empathize with them as parents.

If someone could let me know if it will be possible to convey these sentiments to the Attias parents, I would appreciate it.

Thank you.

Barbara M.

March 7, 2001

Dear Editor,

Frank: I was really moved by your recent op-ed. So much so, that I referred it to people on a message board at the UCSB Daily Nexus which I found on-line. Some of the earlier comments about the parents/family of David Attias were so uninformed and hateful (Hollywood money, etc.).

I thought your piece would be helpful for others to see. Some people have indicated that they read it and really appreciated it. Keep up the great work. It was fantastic!

Beth Leder Pack

March 7, 2001

Dear Editor,

Thank you for your "Mothers and Fathers and Sons and Daughters" article on the news webpage. Someone posted on the UCSB Daily Nexus Web site message board and directed us to it. I am a student at UCSB, a resident on Sabado Tarde Rd., and I witnessed the "Isla Vista Tragedy" as everyone has taken to naming it.

So many people are reacting by placing blame and hate on the poor kid who drove his car down the street. I feel just as much compassion for him and his parents as I do for the deceased, injured, and their parents. I hope the Attias family knows some people are thinking good
thoughts on their behalf. What those parents are going through has got to be hell. Thanks again for your article.

Kelly Brandli

March 7, 2001

Dear Editor,

Thanks for your insightful and somewhat shocking article about parents in regards to the Attias family. I am a recent UCSB alum, and moved from Isla Vista in June 2000 from a house that was directly in front of the accident.

I currently work in the Santa Monica area in entertainment, so this tragedy hit very, very close to home as some of my friends have worked with Daniel Attias.

Thanks again for making us think.

Sincerely,
Cami Waldeck

March 7, 2001

Dear Editor,

I was really moved and shaken by your column. The ever more common events of the last few days are every parent's nightmare. Our belief that we can protect our children from pain and harm is one of the strongest goals and illusions of parenthood.

It is hard to accept that our love, support, guidance and vigilance is not always enough to guarantee the safety, well being or even stability of our children. It is very sad and scary to acknowledge that there are no guarantees. We can only do the best we can. We have to continue to look for the staples whenever we have the chance.

Your friends' anguish was evident in their televised media statement. My heart goes out to all of those who were affected by these tragic acts. They have all suffered losses that can never be fully reclaimed.

Thanks for the column.

Eileen Hecht

March 6, 2001

Dear Editor,

(Re: Frank Gruber's column "Mothers and Fathers and Sons and Daughters")

I am also a father with two sons. Your column brought tears to my eyes.

John Warfel

March 2, 2001

Dear Editor,

(Re: Frank Gruber's column)

Thank you for such an incredible, touching piece.

Kathleen Rawson